A TikTok video by the mother of a gender non-conforming son is a masterclass in refusing to be baited into a confrontation, no matter how tempting it may be. It all started when TikTokker Jolene Dolo’s 8-year-old son, Sam, sent out invitations to his Taylor Swift-themed birthday party.
Jolene told Upworthy that Sam doesn’t have a favorite Swift song, but his favorite album is “Lovers.”
“My 8-year-old Sam is having a Taylor Swift birthday party, and yesterday I received a text message from a parent of a child who was invited letting us know that their child will not be attending because it is against their beliefs,” Jolene began.
“I'm not exactly sure what belief system you have, like what religion is out here saying, ‘Thou shalt not listen to Taylor Swift?’” she continued.
Top 5 Taylor Swift conspiracy theories:
1. She’s secretly a queer woman in love with model Karlie Kloss.
2. She’s working to swing the election for Joe Biden.
3. She’s a Pentagon psychological operative manipulating the minds of Americans.
4. Her success as an unmarried businesswoman in her 30s is a bad example for girls and young women.
5. She performs witchcraft on stage.
Even if the parents aren’t conspiracy theorists, they may think that an 8-year-old boy having a Taylor Swift party is wrong because young boys shouldn’t be into “girly” things.
After reading the cryptic text, Jolene and her husband could easily have let curiosity get the best of them and asked the parents why a Taylor Swift-themed birthday party was against their beliefs. But they were strong and didn’t take the bait.
"Me and my husband talked about it and we decided that their text message seemed a little confrontational because they could have just said 'No, thank you, we will not be attending.' It seemed like they probably wanted a response from us and we didn't want to give them what they wanted," Jolene said.
Further, the declined invitation was better for everyone involved. Who wants someone at a Taylor Swift party who doesn’t like her or what she may or may not stand for? “We do not want anybody coming to our party who is going to be feeling uncomfortable or making us feel uncomfortable so you know it's a good thing,” Jolene continued.
On a deeper level, the story touches on an important topic. Why is it okay for young girls to look up to men, but young men can’t look up to women? No one would bat an eye if a young girl had a Jonas Brothers-themed birthday party, but many people are shocked by a young boy loving Taylor Swift.
“Are little girls not allowed to listen to male artists, or is it just like certain male artists who give off like, masculine vibes? Because I've always found it kind of weird that we don't want boys liking women like that or looking up to women. What's the problem in boys liking women?” Jolene asked.
The TikTokker believes the double standard is rooted in misogyny. “Society tends to see women as weaker or less than men, so a boy looking up to a woman is essentially below him in their eyes,” Jolene told Upworthy. “That's why most people wouldn’t bat an eye at a girl who likes Spider-Man or had a Harry Styles-themed birthday. Meanwhile, boys are shamed for even participating in women-dominated hobbies and interests.”
The good news is that, in the end, the party went off without a hitch and the decorations were fabulous.
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